Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
