I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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