so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
