bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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