Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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