My room smells like vodka and shame
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
