69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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