don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
