i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have aggressive nipples.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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