Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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