Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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