is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
