Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
