apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
