This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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