if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
