Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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