I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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