you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
