you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
