girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
