im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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