Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
