They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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