you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Success! We fucked roommates!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
