Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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