dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
