my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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