here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
