So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
