So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
