is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
