I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
