What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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