Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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