Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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