She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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