OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
