I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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