no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
