Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
