If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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