We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
