Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
