i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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