i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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