Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
