Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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