Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
