Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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