shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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