I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
