I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
