I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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