connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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