I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
