Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
