I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
