Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
