drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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