I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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