Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
