I CAN MOONWALK!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
