I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
