I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize