I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
