I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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