last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
