stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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