I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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