Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
