Sry I called you an 8
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
