Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
