he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
