I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
