4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
whose parrot is this?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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