Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
how does that bad decision feel?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
