Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
