I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
