So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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