he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Randomize
