Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
