Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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