i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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