It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
