Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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