Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
