You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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